TOP 21 signs that the Enterprise is nearing the end of its warranty
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21) Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.

20) Digital speedometer on the helm console is stuck at "88".

19) Shields to work on alternate Fridays.

18) Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of
    warp coil is now held up by a phone book.

17) Computer fails to process and instructions begginning with "w".

16) Booster cables become permanent fixtures in the transporter room.

15) Captain's chair must be propped up against the screen to keep the
    image from flickering.

14) Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through
    the squeaky part of the floor in 10-forward.

13) Main sensor array is unable to pick up anything except CBS.

12) Lower part of the bridge falls even lower and ramps along either
    side become to steep for the bridge crew to climb.

11) Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people
    on board.

10) Holodeck becomes caught into an infinite loop: the ship is overcome
    by ten thousand care bears.

9) Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni
   and cheese.  (Or should I say Kraft cheese and macaroni?)

8) Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.

7) Bug in the main computer's speech processor: computer voice will
   either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.

6) untraceable glitch in the plumbing periodically replaces water in
   Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.

5) Ship's dryer indiscriminently shreds crew's uniforms, and related
   problem in frabication machinery will only produce new clothing with
   Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.

4) Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says "Pretty
   please, with sugar on it."

3) Riker is unable to sleep for 2 weeks when holodeck computer crashes
   and loses access to the nude volleyball program.

2) Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room are
   exhausted, and the door must be replaced with bead curtains.


And the number 1 sign the the Enterprise is nearing the end of it's warrant...

                                                                                

1) Saucer section seperates whenever the ship makes a left turn.