ÕÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ͸ ³ Distributed by USS Enterprise [713/466-0778] 1:106/1701 Jersey Village, TX ³ ³ Downloaded from XybyX - Roswell, Georgia - (404) 594-1315 ³ ³ FidoNet 1:133/114 - Primary TFDN Node - EggNet 99:9000/14 ³ ³ Home of the International Star Trek Echomail Conference ³ ÔÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ; Title(s): Scotty Author(s): Jeff Trim, George W. Playdon III ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Kirk: "Ships Log, Star Date 120168.09. we have just met with a vessel from from the future which claims to be our Enterprise from the year 1987. I spoke with a man named Picard and found that they used our old technique of "The Light Speed" Break Away Factor and traveled back into time. The only thing I could find that would justify their claim of being from the future is that they seem to know "GOD"..er...um..Gene Roddenberry. Kirk: "Ships Status Mr. Sulu? Sulu: "We are currently in a parking orbit around the "NEW" Enterprise. All decks reporting full alertness." Uhura: "Message from The Other Enterprise, Captain. They are transporting someone aboard." Kirk: "Transporting someone aboard...that's highly irregular. [Hits the COMM Button ] Transporter Room Come In!" Kyle: "Kyle here, Captain! I have someone beaming aboard right now! I can't seem to override it!" Uhura: "Captain! The Other Enterprise just went into Warp Speed!" Spock: "Affirmative Captain - they are leaving this sector at warp 8.9, too fast for us to over take." Kirk: "Well whatever it is they left us we're stuck with it. Kirk to Scott, meet me in the Transporter Room - We've got company" [ In Transporter Control ] Wesley: "Hello, I'm Wesley Crusher!" Kirk: "Your who??...Spock who is this?" Wesely: Don't let that stupid vulcan answer answer your question! Boy you people are out of it. You mean to tell me tell that neither of you have heard of the greatest mind of the 24th century? Kirk: No, this is the 23rd century you little twerp! Wesley: Don't call me that or I tell my mommy. Kirk: This is ridiculous, Kirk to Scotty report to transporter. Scotty: Aye Capt'n it'll be a pleasure! Spock: Capt. if I might add, Wesley represents what they use to call in the 20th century an egotistical asshole, pardon my french. Wesley: French, did you say French, the captain of the New Enterprise is French, bald and a wimp. Kirk: Yea right short stuff. Next you'll be telling me that Klingons are our friends and a female is in charge of security! Wesley: But of course, boy you are so stupid! [ Enter Scotty ] Kirk: Scotty - show Mr Wesley here our agony booth...er... I mean the engineering section (winking). You know what to do with the lad. Scotty: Ay Captin - that I do. (with a scottsman smile) Uhura: (on ship intercom) --Captain - we have an unidentified vessle approaching at Warp 16. Kirk: But Uhura - no ship can travel that fast! Are you sure? Uhura: Confirmed Captain Kirk: Humm -- Ah Scotty take our new found friend down to engineering will you? Scotty: Ay Captin - come along laddie. [ Wesley and Scott depart ] Spock: Sir,m you really should give him back. Kirk: Spock, They beamed him over to us, we can't just return him, besides I hate pompous little brats. Spock: That seems logical - you just keep him away from my computer! Kirk: Agreed - for now we'll let Scotty handle 'em. Kirk goes to bridge to talk to ship. [ Mean while scotty has just stunned Wesley for no reason.] Back on the bridge. Piccard: Hello there, This is Piccard we would like to know if you have a (Crusher crying in the backgound), do you mind Doctor, little visitor aboard by the name of 'Wesley." Kirk: Wesley, uh noooo, I don'[t recall anybody by the name of Wesley, anybody around here know a Wesley? Crew: No, not us. no. Kirk: No wesley here Piccard. Piccard: Look, I know he's there we beemed him over a while ago. I'm sorry for the inconvience I was a little hasty, I opolgize. I'm sure by now you have him in some torcher chamber or something. Kirk: Never! My God Piccard what do you think we are. Meanwhile down in enginering. "Ahhhhhhhh......Noooooooo...Stoooooppp!!!' Scotty: More anti-matter Mr. Kyle. Kyle: I haven't had this much fun since I torched that Church back on Gamma IV. Scotty: Aye! Those were the days. (smiling evily) But, now back to our immediate business. TTTAAAAAALLLLKKKKKK!!! If you don't tell us what we want to know we'll beam you into a table. Wesley: O.k. O.k. what do you want to know! Scotty: Absolutly nothing. I Just love to see a little brat like you suffer. TTAAAAALLLLKKKKKK!!!!! Kyle: Gee golly Mr Scott you sure are being hard on 'em - I mean Anti-Matter on his fingers is a little extreme don't you think? Why not try a leg now? Scotty: Ay - I believe your right, you know Wesley if I'm not watching the containment chanber real closely it might accidently errupt all over you! Now that'd be a real shame wouldn't it? (Scotty puts his hands over his eyes and starts pushing buttons randomly) Wesley: "AAHHHHHHHHHH....NNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!! I'll talk, I'll Talk!" Scotty: Oops, now I've done it - darn, well I guess you still have one leg... ha, ha, well Mr Kyle I guess we should probably try testing that new Laser Cutter we got yesterday. Kyle: Ay, I've got it heaten right now! I figure 40,000 degrees is about right. Back on the main bridge. Piccard: Look Jim, I can call you Jim can't I. Kirk: No you can't. Piccard: Uh..o.k. Capt. I am willing to give you what ever you want just name it! Kirk: Well first of all you can start by never, and I mean never come back to the 23rd century. 2) Stop using our 1960's scripts and converting them into modern day trash! 3) Loose the families. 4) Loose Troi 5) Stop this seperation crap, it's a whimpy thing to do. 6)... Back to the fun... Wesley: "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH" Scotty: "Alright now Lad, the reason we are showing the engineering section is because you keep phasing out engineers like me. I canna believe that the grown ups in your century don't belive in explain -ing things to you like we CAN! Now Lad, will you ever be visting us again in the near future? Wesley: Why you arrogent little %^$#%$, when I get back to the other Enterprise I'm gonna tell!! And you know what Piccard will do to you when he finds out - remember those people back in Justice? HA - There going to beam me out of this any minute - just you watch and see! Scotty: Don't count on it, let's try some Radiation, My Kyle? Kyle: Gladly Sir! (Hit's the Ractor Flood Button) -- look his hairs falling out sir! Doesn't he look funny? Scotty: Feeling a little tired Wesley? Your start'en to smell up my engineering section - let's hose him down with some reactor sludge, hehehe - boy this really is fun! Back to main bridge. Kirk: Number 23) Make the Klingons enemies again. And finnaly get a hair piece. Piccard: Make it so! Kirk: (Whispers to Sulu) Make it so, what a wimp! Kirk to Scotty. Scotty: Scott here Capt'n Kirk: Funs over, bring the brat to the bridge. Scotty; Five more minutes Capt. please that all I ask! Kirk: O.k. but only five minutes. But then again I don't have a watch so I I have no idea how long five minutes is so best quess Scotty. Kirk: He will be ready in a few minutes. Stand by. Piccard: Now everybody look at that man...he's a real Capt. Ryker: But you made it possible sir. Damn I like you. Piccard: Go suck a rock Ryker! Troi: I sence... Piccard: Shut up you wench...everybody just shut up. Dr. Crusher is still crying. Meanwhile back at Scottys torture room. Scotty: Let him out now laddie. Kyle: O.k. Out you go boy. And don't touch a damn thing your still a little contaminated. Wesley: Yes sir. I won't sir.. Thank you very much sir! Boy your the greatest sirs! [ They exit and head for the Bridge -- Wesley a little limp but his missing leg is not that noticable...] Scotty: That's right laddie...now tell the Capt. what you've learned. Kirk: Yes Wesley, do you have something to tell me? Wesley: Yes sir. Thank you sir! I would just like to say I'm sorry for being a "Know-it-all-little-brat! and when I go back to Capt. Piccard I will tell him all that I have learned...especially common courtiousy. Kirk: Scotty, what did you do, you've really turned this kid around. Scotty: Well ya see Captin I was just showing the laddie the engineering system with some close up viewing and he lighted up right away, of course the glow didn't last very long - but he SAW THE LIGHT after awhile. I would suspect our little einstein here will be alittle more cooperative fro here on, won't ya lad? Wesley: Oh yes Sir Mr. Scotty I sure will! Scotty: Cause if you forget your train'in in the near future your gonna set another tour of the engine room and won't that be fun? Wesely: Oh No Mr Scotty I sure wouldn't want to ever bother you again because your such a smart person and Kyle is too. [ Wesley is beamed out -- tho scotty beams him a little further out to space by accident the first time -- he does sucessfully get him on to the other Enterprise the second time -- bearly...] Wesley: Mom, I'll go clean up my room. Do you have any dishes that need washing, Laundry? Crusher: But Wesely don't you want to go navigate the ship? or play in your laboratory? Wesley: Oh no Mom, I am going to be where I belong with the other kids, gee golly I hope you don't take me to the engine room!! [ Back on the Other Enterprise ] Kirk: Good work men! Sulu, lay in a course for Alpha Centuri IX. Lets all GET LAID!!! The Enterprise warps away at a high rate of speed. All's well in the galaxy. THE END!!!