SPOCK GOES TO CAMP
                          sung to the tune of
           "Hello Muddah, Hello Fuddah! (A Letter from Camp)"
                            by Allan Sherman
 
                    New lyrics by William James Cuffe
                            FidoNet 1:106/500


        Greetings Father, Hello Mother.
        Here I am at Camp Khitomer...
        It is very dignified,
        Even though it isn't quite that unified.

        I volunteered Captain James T. Kirk
        Before I found out he was such a jerk!
        You remember, the Moon called Praxis?
        Klingon miners have blown it right off its axis.

        All the Klingons hate the Terrans,
        and sent assassins to their errands
        General Chang offers no quarter
        As he quotes from Shakespeare during all the slaughter.

        Now I don't want this should scare you,
        But the Romulans were involved too -
        You remember Miss Valeris?
        It's been revealed that she was a traitress.

        Take me home.
        Oh Father, Mother,
        take me home -- I hate Khitomer
        Don't leave me on the Enterprise-A
        where I might get torpedoed any day...

        Take me home --
        I vow that I will not make noise
        or mess the house with Sehlat toys
        Oh, please don't make me stay
        I've been here one whole day...

        Respected Father, Dearest Mother,
        How's my precious bastard brother?
        Let me come home, if you miss me.
        I would even let Nurse Chapel hug and kiss me.

        Wait a minute, it's stopped exploding.
        Voices calming.  Phasers unloading.
        No more conspiracy.  Gee, that better...
        Father, Mother, kindly disregard this letter.


        --Copyright 1992 William James Cuffe