DRUNK TREK Version 3.2 RULES: I. GENERAL: 1. Prime Directive: Keep in mind, the "rules" presented herein are only guidelines! Feel free to ignore any of them, or create new ones on the spur of the moment. There are currently 24 variants to the rules of this game, with more being created everytime the game is played. Just remember: You never really need an excuse to drink while you are watching Star Trek. This is not a competition, merely an exercise in art appreciation. A. P.S: The only rule you absolutely, positively must not in any way violate, ignore, or throw out (aside from this one) is Rule 1. B. Acceptable Traditional Beverages: Beer (Old Swill preferred) Sgt. Peppers Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters Saurian Brandy Romulan Ale Andorian Rum Targ Milk Basically anything except Coors C. Acceptable Alternative Beverages: Anything except Caffeine-free Diet Colas. If you want to drink those, go watch Thirty-something. Orange Juice Preferred for under age participants. D. Weights and Measures: A "drink" is officially defined as: The precise amount of liquid refreshment the imbiber finds adequate to his/her/its needs as expressed at the moment of drinking. In English, whatever the hell you feel like, from a fractional sip to an oceanic chug. The words "drink" and "shot" will be used interchangeably throughout these rules. E. Social Drinking: Drinking should be as social an activity as watching Trek. When someone says "Social"... drink! 2. Nomenclature: Players may only refer to the program as "Trek" or "Trek Classic" in the case of the series starring Grace Lee Whitney as Yeoman Janice Rand, or "Next Generation" or "New Trek" in the case of the series staring Lycia Naff as Ensign So¤ya Gomez, or "Movie Trek" or "3 Liter Trek" in the case of the series Kirstie Alley/Robin Curtis as Lt. Saavik. Penalty shots are awarded to any player who refers to either show or the movies as "Star Trek." The game is to be referred to as "Drunk Trek" or "D.T." Players are to be referred to as "Drunk Trekkers" (in the case of hard-core players with regular attendance habits and profound understanding of the deepest meanings of Trek), as "Drunk Trekkies" (in the case of semi- regulars who pay less attention to the program than to the flow of alcohol), or as "Drunk Trekists" (in the case of visitors who just want to get really drunk). The participants may collectively be referred to as "The D.T.'s." 3. Theme Song: Players are strongly encouraged to recite the opening narrative and sing (to the best of their abilities) along with the theme song. Whenever the Enterprise whooshes by, players should follow and imitate its motion with their heads, simultaneously making the appropriate "whoosh" noise. (It may sound really stupid in print, but trust in IDIC, it really works...) A. Lyric Bonus: A bonus of one drink will be awarded to all players who can actually sing the lyrics of the opening theme by heart (Yes, there actually is lyrics to the music, written by The Great Bird of the Galaxy himself, Gene Roddenberry). 4. Credits: Players should cheer or boo names in the credits where appropriate. Writers should be given the benefit of the doubt when viewing new episodes. Anyone booing Gene Roddenberry will be pelted with rocks and garbage and forcibly ejected from the game. The player who ejects him can claim his newly vacated seat if he/she/it so chooses. A. The Great Bird of the Galaxy Option: Some die-hard players may wish to stand and salute when Gene Roddenberry's credits are shown. 5. Inertials (Shipshake): Whenever the Enterprise's Inetial Dampeners are on the fritz (i.e: the camera shakes), players must rock spastically in sympathy. One person, chosen going clockwise from the viewing screen, should rock in the wrong direction. Standing players should grab any nearby object (couches, upright lamps, tables, other players) for support. Once the ship has steadied, players may take as many drinks as needed to soothe themselves. 6. Peter Principle of Starfleet Rank: Players should drink whenever a stupid Commodore or Admiral of any Rank appears, twice when he takes charge of things. 7. LA Law Connection Clause: Players should drink whenever an actor that has appeared on LA Law appears on Trek, twice when the character makes a second appearance, or the actor re-appears as another character. 8. Shark Professional Courtesy Loophole: Players should drink whenever a main character is court-martialed or put on trial, and should boo and hiss as the prosecuting attorney. Players should drink twice when the accused it acquitted. 9. Loss of Personnel: When a Starfleet crewman gets toasted, players should intone the appropriate litany from the list below and imbibe a ritual shot: A. If the Shirt is Red: The (Man is/Woman's) Dead. B. If the Shirt is Blue: The (Man is/Woman's) Stew. C. If the Shirt is (Yellow: He's one Dead Fellow). (Gold: She'll soon turn Cold). The word "Shirt" in non-negotiable; use it even if the corpse-to-be is wearing a jumpsuit or tunic. Feminine forms as indicated are acceptable if the toast was female. Neuter forms are acceptable in the case of a neuter species. a. Lt. History and Ensign Fodder: Security personnel and other expendable types are to be referred to as "Redshirts" regardless of kind of garb. b. Mini-skirt Uniform: Players should hoot and whistle when ever a crewmember of the opposite sex is spotted wearing the Mini-skirt variation uniform. 10. The Two-and-One Rule: A classic writer's tactic in introducing a new or unfamiliar name or concept is to place it along-side or after two familiar names or concepts, e.g., "The philosophical giants; Plato, Socrates, and Surak." Drink as many times as new names/concepts are said. 11. The Physics Major Reality Check (PMRC): Whenever a clear phyisics impossiblity occurs, it is the sovereign privilege and duty of any physics major or other science-geek-type person to call it. Everyone drinks 14 times. A. The Non-Physics Major Checks and Balances Refereeing System: When General Order Ten (the PMRC) is invoked, anybody who can rationalize said impossibity to the satisfaction of those presesnt can make everybody (him/herself included) drink again, except the caller of General Order Eleven, who shall drink twice. Note: If the physics-major-science-type- geek-person-entity who invoked General Order Eleven did so in reference to a physical impossibility which actually occured in the viewing room and not on the program, nobody may invoke General Order Eleven-A. B. The Double Standard/Double Indemnity Catch: If the person who calls General Order Eleven-A is also the very same person who called General Order Eleven, then everybody switches beverages once to the right (if the caller is left-handed) or once to the right (if the caller is right-handed), take one drink, then returns the beverage to the original drinker.. If the caller is ambidexterous, everyone switches beverages once to the left, drinks once, then twice to the right, drinks, and returns the beverages to the orignal drinker. 12. Powers and Abilities Far Beyond Those of Mortal Men (The Dues Ex Trekus Rule): Players should drink whenever a character appears who has godlike supernatural talents. Examples: Trelayne, Charlie X, Apollo, Q, Q(2), Gary Mitchell, V'Ger, etc. A. With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility Follow-Up: Players should drink whenever the moral of a story qualifying under General Order Twelve is or is similar to "with great power comes great responsibility". 13. This Rule Lost. 14. It Sounds Kind of Crazy, But It Just Might Work: The Enterprise has a long history of putting to the test procedures that "have never been tried before", are "only based on theory", are "still in the experimental stage". It is the least the players can to to raise a toast to these intrepid and enterprising pioneers, without whom there would be no technological advances since the 23rd century. 15. Episode Titles: In most Trek and Next Generation episodes, the episode title is either explicitly mentioned in or derived from a character line. Drink when this happens, twice if the line was stolen from Shakespeare. Drink on first appearence of the title if it was stolen from somewhere else (e.g., "The Skizoid Man", "The Conscience of the King"). 16. What's That Tune? Kind of Catchy, Isn't It?: Occasionally, the Trek theme actually appearea within a scene, not as incedental music, but as music which the characters are able to hear. Drink. 17. So That's What It Does: Drink whenever someone explains the functioning of a piece of 23rd century technology. 18. Modern Ancient History Lessons: Drink at any refernce to the hopelessly backwards practices of the 20th century. 19. Things That Look Like Meat: In the future, all arts and sciences have progressed far beyond our meager capabilities, and the culinary arts are no exception. Horribly inefficient foodstuffs such as roast turkey and king crab legs have replaced by much healthier types of nutrition: the Multi-colored Synthesized Food Substitute and the Typical Nauseating Alien Delicacy. Drink anytime a Starfleet officer eats an item from either category. A. Food Synthesizers: Drink anytime one of these devices is used, twice if it is being shown off to a new character. B. What the Hell Is That?: Drink anytime someone makes a face at either type of food specified in General Order Nineteen or the device from General Order Nineteen-A, twice if the gawking person if from the 20th century. 20. But Then We'd Be No Better Than They Are: Starfleet uses very strict criteria in selecting its officers. In addition to the finest minds and most physically fit bodies, Starfleet has chosen the most immaculate souls. Players are instructed to drink whenever a Starfleet crewman delivers a Particularly Moralistic Soliloquy (PMS), twice if it's delivered by a starship captain. 21. The Darone Codicil: Any reference to the period of "Twenty Minutes" will be greeted by loud cheering, rude noises, and instant consumption of all beverages in hand. A boisterous cry of "Twenty Minutes!!!" shall ring out. Anyone who fails to comply will be forced to view twenty minutes of Battlestar Galactica. Yes, Starfleet does believe in cruel and unusual punishment! 22. It is a Far, Far Better Thing I Do...: Drink whenever a character (especially Kirk) prepares to make the ultimate sacrifice for others ("No, Trelayne... Take it out on me, not my crew..."). 23. Oh, No, Not The (Fill-In-The-Blank)!!!: Whenever a character says a particularly ominous phrase (e.g., "Captain, I have invoked Starfleet Code Seventeen."), the D.T.'s should respond appropriately ("Oh, No, not Starfleet Code Seventeen!") 24. Clyde's Classical Clich‚ Clause: Drink whenever the following is heard: "Your weapons are useless here."; "You're my guests." followed or proceeded by "We're your prisoners."; "Resistance is useless."; Etc. 25. Aliens Who Think Highly About Who The Hell They Are: This rule, not to be confused with the Dues Ex Trekus Rule, comes into effect whenever an alien refers to the human race as "primative" (or an equivalent epithet). While there is some considerable overlap between General Order 12 aliens and General Order 25 aliens, some aliens are clearly megapowered without rubbing our noses in it (Trelayne's parents) while others, despite what they think about themselves, are really wimpy aliens the Federation could toast with on phaser bank tied behind thier backs (Talosians, Velarians ["Ugly Bags of Mostly Water" crystals]). Drink when an alien reveals itself as such. 26. Do You Want Me To Test My Theory Out On Your Head?: This is the counterpart to General Order 25. Drink whenever a "primative" (or whatever) human manages to gain the upper hand against a General Order 25 alien. 27. You Just Initiated WHAT?: Drink whenever the self-destruct sequence is initiated. 28. Cosmetic Durability of the 24th Century: Drink once every time a female character has flawless makeup after she's been through the ringer. A. Dramatic Enhancement: Drink twice every time Kirk has flawless and badly overdone make-up after he's been through the ringer. 29. Social Drinking: Players should drink once whenver a character visits a bar or drinks alcolic beverages such as Romulan Ale, Saurian Brandy, or Andorian Rum. 30. Starfleet Dress Code: Drink every time a bridge officer is shown in casual clothes (one drink per scene, per officer), drink twice whenever a bridge officer appears in dress uniform (one drink per scene, per officer). 31. Fraternization: Players should drink every time somebody is addressed by his or her first name -- two if there is some kind of sexual tension going on between them.